Alrighty then. We have four weeks of telecasts under our belt at CBS, and McCord and I have fulfilled our obligations as hosts of the highly critically acclaimed Late Night Show. Obviously, the critics have, like the millions of people at home who stayed up late to watch it, no life whatsoever. We traveled from Phoenix to Pebble Beach by boat, surfed from there to San Diego, and hijacked the Blimp to get to LA. What’s even harder to believe, is that we got paid for it. I love this country!
Here’s a bonus for ya’ll (as they say here in Dallas), I’m going to send a video of all eight shows, minus commercials, to the author of the first e-mail to GOLFonline that correctly identifies the historic moment when the first fart joke made it onto a golf telecast. There, that should stop everyone from tapping at those keyboards.
But I digress. The Andersen Consulting Match Play Championship starts this week, and I wish we were broadcasting it, ‘cos it could be really interesting. Firstly, I think we all owe Jumbo Ozaki a big thank you for withdrawing, bearing in mind the fact that Tim Finchem could probably kick his butt. Here are my picks for the most interesting matches.
1. Woods vs. Faldo. I don’t know for sure what the line is on this one, but I’ve heard some numbers that Mr. Faldo would find extremely insulting. In recent months he couldn’t play the radio, but if you get anything more than about 3 or 4 to 1 on him, I’d take some of that action. Hey, it’s only 18 holes.
2. Davis Love vs. Steve Pate. This may not be a pushover for the No. 4 seed. Steve Pate is due for a big year.
3. Scott Hoch vs. Ian Woosnam. Who knows, but this match has great entertainment potential, as it might turn into a punch-up.
4. Hal Sutton vs. Loren Roberts. Whoever falls asleep last, wins.
5. Colin Montgomerie vs. Craig Stadler. These might be my two all-time favorite players to describe on TV, and this match is the pick of the first round for me. It’s just a pity its not called the Andersen Insulting Match Play Championship. I can see it now. Monty gets up on the first tee, shakes hands with Craig and says something like, “Hey fatboy, you’ve got no chance against a six in a row European money list stud-burger like me!” To which Craig would say, “I wouldn’t swap your six for my major.” At which point the walking referee would shout, “Hole not played yet, but Mr. Stadler is one up!”