Feherty's Mailbag

Feherty’s Mailbag

If you’ve ever wanted to send David Feherty a question or comment, here’s your chance! David is putting down his mike to answer your E-mails in his mailbag column for GOLFONLINE.

Click here to send him your best question or comment. (Note: Letters may be edited for clarity and length).

Great stuff at the Tommy Bahama Challenge! I’m curious, what flavor was the pie you took in the face? It looked like a plate of Edge Gel or Gillette Sensitive Skin Moisturizing Foam.
— David Castle, Garland, Texas

I’m pretty sure it was a Bushmills frappe. The problem with it was the plate it was on. If you were going to hit someone in the kisser with a pie, wouldn’t you want it on a paper or a foil plate? Not McCord. The moron went ceramic, and almost broke my nose, which wasn’t in the best of shape to start with.

When are you going to lose that goatee on your face? You look like a cross between Lucifer and Shecky Greene.
— Chris D., Rochester, N.Y.

P.S. Love your books.

Without it I look like a cross between the Pillsbury Dough Boy and John Lovitt. Besides, I think it makes me look like Dartagnon.

P.S. I love your money.

I have just finished reading one of your recent mailbags, and I wanted to say I think you’re MUCH more handsome than Brad Pitt. Your face reflects character, humor and joie de vivre. (Did I spell that correctly?)
— Theresa Turner

Thank you Theresa.

Yes I am, yes you did, and for God’s sake get into therapy.

Caught you at the AT&T, and great job as usual. You were excellent at pretending to care what CBS celebs had to say about the tournament. I was also stunned by your newly thinned physique. Where did you get the tapeworm? Do you have any diet advice for those of us still laboring under our excessive girth? Have you forsworn food and gone to an all-liquid (read Bushmills) diet?
— Kellan, Chicago

I increased my output, decreased my input, sped up my throughput, ignored any feedback and ate more fish than a harbor seal.

Dammit, I knew someone would ask me this. Okay, I quit drinking. Kind of had to really, what with it taking me having to get started on a second bottle of Bushmills just to get a buzz. I quit for the same reason I quit golf — because I was so good at it, it no longer felt like a challenge. I now have the body of a 25-year-old and the face of a hockey goalie, although I did have my annual physical last week and my liver function came back normal. I’m thinking of sending it to Cooperstown.

What is happening to David Duval? I remember when he was battling Tiger for the top spot in the World Ranking. I couldn’t believe the scores he put up at the Bob Hope. Is he battling an injury?
— Lance

I wish I knew and could wave a wand and fix it for him. It started with some physical problems and now seems to have evolved into difficulties between the ears. Whatever it is, I really hope he works it out and gets his freak back on. This game is just too weird.

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