Who do you love more: golf or your sweetheart?

February 13, 2016

Valentine’s Day is here, a time to show devotion to the one you love the most. If only you could decide which one that is. This quick guide should help unlock the mysteries of your heart. Keep track of all your points to see who your true love is: golf or your sweetheart.

1. The first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is:


— Kiss your wife/husband (5 pts)

— Turn on Morning Drive (2 pts)

— Pour coffee into a golf-ball mug (1 pt)

— Spoon your driver (0 pts)

2. When you see a jewelry store, your first instinct is to:


— Buy a necklace for your wife (5 pts)

— Convert your wife’s diamond earrings into badass ball markers (0 pts)

3. In your eyes, no shape in the world is sexier than the:


— Gentle slope along the nape of her neck (5 pts)

— Curve of her waistline (3 pts)

— Dimples on her cheeks (1 pts)

— Grind on your new sand wedge (-3 pts)

4. When he says “They’re playing our song,” you think of:


— “All Night Long” by Lionel Richie (5 pts)

—  “Can’t Get Enough of You Baby” by Barry White (2 pts)

—  That tune the gopher dances to in Caddyshack (0 pts)

5. “Schnookums” is your pet name for your:


— Partner (5 pts)

— Putter (0 pts)

6. You make breakfast in bed for your spouse every:


— Valentine’s Day (5 pts)

— Birthday (3 pts)

— Leap Year (1 pt)

— Sunday of the British Open but only because you’re up early and if there’s a weather delay (0 pts)

7. Your idea of a prime booking is:


— The Presidential Suite at the Four Seasons, Maui (5 pts)

— A room with a vineyard view in a wine country bed-and-breakfast (3 pts)

— A two-top at that cozy little Italian place (2 pts)

— A tee time for four, anywhere (0 pts)

8. “Never up, never in,” describes your: 


— Golf game (0 pts)

— Love life (0 pts)

— both (-3 pts)

9. On your way home from work you picked up a:


— Dozen roses (5 pts)

— Dozen chocolates (3 pts)

— Dozen Titleists (0 pts) 

10. For role-playing purposes you purchased a:


— Leopard-print negligee (5 pts)

— French maid’s outfit (3 pts)

— Dominatrix whip (1 pt)

— Caddie jumpsuit (0 pts)

11. As a sign of your undying love and commitment, you’ve been considering:


— renewing your vows (5 pts)

— refinishing your deck (1pt)

— retooling your swing (0 pt)



40-55 points: Your love for her/him burns as a hot as a thousand suns.

30-40: You’re not head over heels, but you’re stumbling along happily enough.

20-30: ‘Till death do you part. You’ll just need plenty of alone time along the way.

10-20: Have you considered couples therapy?

0-10: The only person you should be with is a very patient caddie.