Seems a photographer perched on one of Valhalla's grassy knolls caught Nick Faldo yesterday scribbling something that resembled his potential fourball pairings. Faldo denied it, claiming he was merely jotting down a 'lunch list.' Turns out that was a fib, too. Faldo e-mailed GOLF.com this morning to clear things up.
Crumbs! Nabbed by a British photographer! What's next? Monty divorcing, remarrying an American, applying for U.S. citizenship and suiting up for the Yanks in '10? (Don't even think about it, old chap.) Anyway, just wanted to set the record straight on Initialgate. Truth is, the letters didn't represent pairings or sandwich orders — it's merely a coincidence that Sergio Garcia and Lee Westwood would team well together and, for that matter, that Garcia likes Lox on Wheat. Here's what each of my notes really meant:
Save Golf, Lose this Week. If we win one more of these things, that'll be four straight, six of the last seven, and nine of the last 12. The poor Yanks — crikey, the Washington Generals have had more success against the bloody Globetrotters! Scary stuff. Another blowout and U.S. golf fans might lose interest in the thing entirely — and maybe even the whole friggun' game! Then again, NBC's The Biggest Loser has been a smash hit. Maybe there's still hope.
Paul Has Rotten Kaptains. There, I said it. Yes, I said it before, but I'm saying it again. Listen, I don't have anything against Olin, Dave and RayFlo. They're all good blokes. But, c'mon, Zinger — three assistans? Do they shine your shoes and fold your knickers? I mean, even I fetch my own groceries (see below).
Jeepers, Rabid Is the Press. We can't win with you guys. You crucify Zinger and me for saying too much, you lambaste us for saying too little. What do you want from me — my pairings spelled out on a piece of a paper? C'mon, boys, I'm too clever for that.
Grapes, McDonalds, Peas, Carrots, Honey, Snacks. That's right — my grocery list. What? You're surprised I do the shopping for the boys? It's a little-known captain's duty, but an important one. Sam Torrance always told me you can't make birdies on an empty stomach. Or was that an empty pint glass?
Well, hope that clears up the confusion. Cheerio!
Your mate, Nick