Thursday, February 22, 2007

Blasting the ball 300 yards will make your playing partners talk, gawk, even applaud. But it won't make them like you. We all want to be liked, after all. And if being Mr. Popularity means you're the guy who gets that last-minute invite to Pebble, so be it. Follow these simple rules, and they'll like you, really like you!

Be a Super Looper. Caddies are going the way of orange balls — all the more reason to step up and perform a few simple tasks. No, you don't have to carry the bags, but you should...

Keep a pocketful of tees. In two sizes: regular and porn star. If you see someone groping for a peg, toss him one. Same goes for ball markers. (Coins, please, not those little plastic discs with the pokey thing on the bottom.)

Have two spare balls at the ready.

Be a bird dog.

Watch every approach shot too.

Know your partners' tendencies. Pinseeker

Park your cart on the side of the green that's nearest the next tee.

Rake the trap.

If someone's pitch mark is near yours, fix them both.

Tend the flag.

Play like Fay. The Rules of Golf in Plain English Partner up... Some call golf a solitary game, a test of Man vs. Himself. Wrong! Golf's about playing well with others. Here's how to make your on-course relationships work:

Ask your partners which tees they prefer.

Arranging bets? Know the comfort level of all players. last

Pick it up!

No sulking.

Play the blame game, then move on.

Know when to play first.

...And be a pal. The best way to be a mashie-wielding mensch is to help the rest of your group have a good round. You needn't burble like a cruise director, but a few nice touches can go a long way:

Take a cheap shot.

If there's a refreshment cart, buy the first round.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em. Davidoff's Double R Churchill The Padrón 1964 Anniversary Torpedo Dunhill's Unique Turbo Sports

Be the medicine cabinet.

Spread compliments widely — and wisely.

Keep your sense of humor.
  • When you leave a putt 10 feet short: "How'd that stay out?"

  • When you miss the green by 50 yards: "Bite! Bite!"

  • When you leave an approach short: "That dog;s too tired to hunt."

  • Know when to bite your lip. ever

    Tee up your pals. Neiman Marcus

    Pack a pack of cards. Newt's Playing Cards

    Give your buddies a hand.

    Pay up.

    Jerk In The Box
    Use these 'tips' to assure your status as a singleton
  • Keep your cell phone clipped to your belt and entertain your foursome by making it play "I'm Alright" from Caddyshack.
  • Take a second practice swing. And then a third. With a divot.
  • Call Rules violations when you're not playing in a tournament."
  • Hit on the cart girl even though she's young enough to be your daughter, and thereby cost all of us young, handsome guys any ahot with her.
  • Start trouble by hitting into the group ahead. Or by saying, "What if I did hit your ball? What are you gonna do about it?"
  • Openly root against your opponents: "Get out of bounds!" or "Get in the rough!" Golfers who do that are asking to be hit by lightning.
  • Compliment a shot that's headed for the trees."You da..oh, sorry."
  • Talk when you should be hitting: "Those guys behind us can wait — we've been waiting all day!".
  • Miss a three-footer and then say, "That one was good, right?"You da..oh, sorry."
  • Linger on a green practicing the putt you missed while the rest of your group has moved on to the next tee.
  • Throw a golf club--under any circumstances, ever.
  • Forget to put an identifying mark on your ball or, worse, say, "That's a Titleist 3 by the hole? I think that's mine!"
  • Recreate your round back in the bar. "That 3-iron I hit on 12, let me tell ya, I nutted it. I had a hook lie with a slice wind, but the pin was on the right so I had to fade it..."
  • Let the game get too important in your life. If golf replaces a career, religion and even food and drink in your life, you may want to cut back to seven rounds next week.
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