Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? Good, because GOLF.com has a seasonal gift for you: our annual year-end golf awards. Ho, ho, ho. Let’s get to it!
THE TIM HERRON NO PAIN, NO PAIN AWARD FOR PHYSICAL FITNESS
Winner: Pat Perez
For following up his win at the CIMB Classic by reiterating his commitment to eating poorly and not working out.
THE KIM JONG-UN AWARD FOR MAKING HEADLINES WITH A LONG-RANGE BOMB
Winner: Brian Harman
For clinching the title on the final hole of the Wells Fargo Championship with a birdie putt that traveled farther than some Pyongyang missile launches.
THE DR. FRANKENSTEIN “IT’S ALIVE” AWARD FOR SPRINGING FROM THE OPERATING TABLE INTO ACTION
Winner: Tiger Woods
For rehabbing his way back into competitive shape seven months after undergoing his fourth back surgery in three years.
THE TOM PETTY WAITING IS THE HARDEST PART AWARD FOR PATIENCE THAT PAYS OFF
Winner: Justin Thomas
For letting his final-round birdie putt at the PGA Championship hang on the lip of the 10th hole for just . . . about . . .the . . . full . . .10-second legal limit, at which point the ball finally dropped.
THE APPLE NEVER FALLS FAR FROM THE TREE AWARD FOR FAMILIAL RESEMBLANCE
Winner: John Daly II
For his colorful performance at the IJGA Invitational at Harbour Town, where the 14-year-old son of Long John wore loud-patterned pants and fist-pumped to punctuate his clutch playoff win.
THE OTHER PENALTY FOR MISSING THE CUP AWARD
Winner: Mark Hensby
For failing to supply a urine sample after the second round of the Sanderson Farms Championship, a move for which he later offered a credible explanation but which still resulted in a one-year suspension from the PGA Tour.
THE FRUIT OF THE LOOM AWARD FOR PLAYING IN NOTHING BUT SKIVVIES
Winner: Shawn Stefani
For channeling his inner Henrik Stenson and stripping down to his underwear to hit a recovery shot from a water hazard during the second round of Honda Classic.
THE WILLARD SCOTT AWARD FOR CALM AFTER THE STORM
Winner: Stacy Lewis
For pledging to donate her earnings from the Cambia Portland Classic to Hurricane Harvey relief, and then going out and winning the $195,000 first-place check, all of which she put toward helping her ravaged home town.
THE STUART SMALLEY AWARD FOR BEING GOOD ENOUGH, SMART ENOUGH AND GOSH DARN IT FINALLY WINNING A MAJOR
Winner: Sergio Garcia
For gutting it out down the stretch at Augusta to claim just the kind of victory that he once said he didn’t think he could win.
THE HONEY, I SHRANK THE COURSE AWARD FOR CUTTING A LAYOUT DOWN TO SIZE
Winner: Dustin Johnson
For his design-defying, water-clearing monster drive on the first playoff hole of the Northern Trust Open, which helped him dispatch Jordan Spieth while reducing a proud par 4 to a pitch-and-putt.
THE MIRROR-MIRROR ON THE WALL WHO HAS THE FINEST AMBIDEXTROUS SWING OF ALL AWARD
Winner: Cameron Davis
For winning the Australian Open while playing right-handed and then demonstrating, in a video that went viral, that he might have won it playing left-handed, too.
THE MIRROR-MIRROR ON THE WALL GET THAT AMBIDEXTROUS GOLFER AN ALARM CLOCK AWARD
Winner: Cameron Davis
For oversleeping his tee time at a Canadian PGA Tour event, a somnolent oversight that led to him being DQ’d from the tournament.
THE LENNY BRUCE AWARD FOR DEFTLY HANDLING A HECKLER
Winner: Bubba Watson
For his sarcastic post-birdie bow and hat-tip on the 18th hole of the Memorial, where he silenced a spectator who’d been giving him grief.
THE MAYBE THAT SHOULD BE AN OLYMPIC SPORT AWARD FOR ATHLETIC INNOVATION
Winners: Jordan Spieth and Michael Greller
For their synchronized wedge-and-rake toss-cum-leaping chest-bump celebration of Spieth’s hole-out from the greenside bunker in a sudden-death playoff at the Travelers Championship.
THE RODNEY DANGERFIELD AWARD FOR OBNOXIOUS ENTRANCE INTO A PRIVATE CLUB
Winner: Robert Smith
For commandeering a taxi while intoxicated and crashing it through a security gate at Trump National Golf Club in Jupiter, Florida, a drunken adventure that left the 52-year-old man facing charges of “carjacking without firearm or weapon.” Or a pitching wedge, for that matter.
THE PALMOLIVE AWARD FOR WORST DISH-PAN HANDS
Winner: Alex Noren
For developing the grotesquely calloused palms of a man who either a) hand-cleans too many pots with abrasive detergent, or b) devotes countless hours to pounding balls on the range.
THE RONCO VEG-O-MATIC AWARD FOR CUTTING THROUGH THE SPINACH AND GRINDING OUT A SCORE
Winner: Jordan Spieth
For the sloppily struck but painstakingly thought-out shots he played on the par-4 13th hole at Royal Birkdale, where an agonizing 20-minute ball-search-and-penalty-drop plus-strategy-planning session ultimately resulted in one of the greatest bogeys in major championship history.
THE LORENA OCHOA AWARD FOR KNOWING WHEN IT’S TIME
Winner: Ai Miyazato
For gracefully retiring at 31, when her body was still able but her mind recognized that there was more to life than going through the motions in a game that she no longer felt the urge to play competitively.
THE GEORGE PLIMPTON AWARD FOR BEST CROSS-OVER SPORT STUNT
Winner: Jeff Overton
For draining a 94-foot-putt across the hardwood during halftime of an Indiana-Duke basketball game, a feat he celebrated not by yelling “boom baby,” as he did during the 2010 Ryder Cup, but by doing pushups at center court.
THE BO JACKSON AWARD FOR BEST CROSS-OVER SPORT ACHIEVEMENT
Winner: Steph Curry
For more than holding his own over two rounds at the Fanny Mae Classic in a Web.com debut that proved, once and for all, that the guy can really shoot from way, way beyond the three-point arc.
THE DANCING WITH THE STARS AWARD FOR SURPRISINGLY DECENT HOOFING
Winners: Juli Inkster and Annika Sorenstam
For turning the first tee of Des Moines Golf and Country Club into a spur-of-the-moment stage with their friendly captains’ two-step, to the strains of Abba, before the Sunday singles matches of the Solheim Cup.
THE E. HARVEY AWARD FOR STERLING PLAY IN AN HISTORIC MATCH WITH NO MONEY ON THE LINE
Winner: Doc Redman
For closing birdie-eagle to pull square with Doug Ghin in an epic finals match at the U.S. Amateur at Riviera. Redman would win the title on the first extra hole.
THE ALLEN FUNT AWARD FOR SUSPECTING YOU MIGHT BE THE VICTIM OF A PRANK
Winner: Lexi Thompson
For responding to a controversial four-stroke penalty ruling at the ANA Inspiration by asking, at a camera that was not at all candid, “Is this a joke?”
THE FERRIS BUELLER AWARD FOR FINDING A BETTER WAY TO SPEND THE DAY
Winner: Tom Collela
For skipping out on his job as an electrician in Australia to play golf an estimated 140 times before his employer finally caught on and fired him.
THE JIM AND TAMMY FAYE BAKKER AWARD FOR NOT PRACTICING WHAT YOU PREACH
Winner: Donald Trump
For railing against his predecessor for playing too much golf then pegging it himself at a greater frequency than any U.S. president in history.