I was interested to read a recent Sports Illustrated article entitled, “My Shot” by Peter Kuchar, the father of the now well-known and slightly spotty Matt Kuchar. What a load of codswallop. It was heavily interspersed with “When we” and “If we” as if the elder Kuchar was somehow involved in hitting the ball. Of course, in traditional caddiespeak, “we” is reserved for birdies or better and the more ubiquitous “He” is used for par and worse, and while nobody in their right mind would deny him the right to be proud and excited about his son’s achievements, I think it’s about time he took a step back and tried to be a little more objective.
He claims that his histrionics — punching the air and leaping up and down– are no different from what other caddies have done on a regular basis. Quite true, but I would point out, that professional caddies, for fear of having the flagstick inserted where the sun doesn’t shine, tend to wait until the 72nd hole, or the final moments of a playoff, before they celebrate in such style. All Matt Kuchar has to do, is hole a 12-footer for par in the second round to induce a Highland fling and two rounds of shadow boxing from his dad. Peter needs to go get the putter, put it in the bag, get out of the way and zip it, just like every other sack-dragger out there.
If Matt turns pro, as I am sure he will, the first thing he needs to do, is hire a pro caddie. Preferably one who doesn’t love him too much, because really, that is the only thing his dad is guilty of. The last thing that a new tour pro needs, is an emotionally involved caddie, particularily one that is married to his mommy. It can only end in tears.
The latest I’ve heard is that Peter is going to look after his son’s business affairs. The first thing I’d do as his agent is sell his teeth to Colgate. I’ve a feeling we’re going to be seeing a lot more of those gnashers. But please, Peter, do it from behind the ropes. The very last thing the PGA Tour needs is another celebrity father.