Feherty's Mailbag

Feherty’s Mailbag

If you’ve ever wanted to send David Feherty a question or comment, here’s your chance! David is putting down his mike to answer your E-mails in his mailbag column for GOLFONLINE.

Click here to send him your best question or comment. (Note: Letters may be edited for clarity and length).

You obviously have a lot of respect for Arnold Palmer. And you were a colleague of Ken Venturi’s at CBS. Given your insight on both men, what are your thoughts on the rules dispute between the two in the 1958 Masters and Mr. Venturi including the incident in his new book? Thanks and keep up the great work.
— Tom Sarosky, York, PA

That’s a tough one, because I love them both. Kenny’s a crusty old codger who says exactly what he thinks and the King is, well, the King. It’s one thing to tell the emperor he’s got no clothes, (or in this case green jacket); it’s another thing altogether to accuse him of stealing the clothes he’s not wearing. The thing is, I don’t think Kenny needed to make an accusation to sell the book. I think people would have bought it anyway. I suspect he may have had some “help” in making the decision to put it in. I hope the whole thing blows over and is quickly forgotten.

My 10-year-old son, Andrew, and I love your Cobra commercials; however, he is driving me crazy by repeatedly reciting the one where you express disdain for the term “nice ball.” Also, we can no longer say “nice ball” to each other in earnest because in light of your commercial it sounds like a put-down. So I have two questions. How can I get him to stop imitating you and are there any other golf terms you intend to target?
— Larry Levitt, Laguna Niguel, CA

Actually, I wanted to say “Nice balls”, but they wouldn’t let me. To get young Andrew to stop imitating me, I will send you a CD-ROM of my most recent colonoscopy. Make him watch it over and over until he realizes if he doesn’t stop mimicking me, he may grow up to look just like it. I am currently evaluating new candidates for derision. They include: center cut, down the fall line, golf swing, golf ball, golf game, any description of a ball “chasing” somewhere and pretty much anything uttered by Johnny.

A few of us were recently discussing our dream foursome. Mine included Jack Nicklaus (because he is the best ever), Tiger Woods (in case I’m wrong about Jack), and David Feherty (because I’d like to beat one of them). Who is in your dream foursome?
— Colin King, Saskatchewan, Canada

Uh-huh Collywobbles. It’s definitely a dream if you think you can beat any of those three, including me. Just because I don’t play any more doesn’t mean I’m not still majestic. I know there’s not a lot to do in Saskatchewan, (which, by the way, is Indian for “Don’t put your tongue on the pump handle”), but you may want to lay off the pepperoni before bedtime. My dream foursome would be Richard P. Feynman, the Nobel Physicist who discovered quantum mechanics. There’s some stuff I want to go over with him. Then there’s Sir Herbert Turdflurry, the inventor of modern underpants, and of course Rosie O’Donnell, who scares the living s–t out of me. Ideally, we’d go to the practice green, she’d hit a few putts, then I’d run away, skipping the golf altogether.

Just a comment on your article about Arnold Palmer. I have met and talked with Arnold Palmer only once, but like everyone else who has had the opportunity, I came away from the experience with the feeling that he was glad to meet me and he would be happy to talk golf as long as I wanted to. He is one of the real gentlemen I have met in my life (I’m 65) and, like you I hope he continues to play and be a part of the game for a long, long time to come. Thanks for the monthly column and the on-course commentary.
— Lynn Baker, Bellingham, WA

That’s the way Arnold treats everybody he meets. I once overheard an idiot say, “There goes Arnie; a multimillionaire for hitting a stupid little ball around.” The guy he was talking to, to his credit, said, “Arnold Palmer would be a multimillionaire regardless of what he did in life, you moron!” Couldn’t have said it better myself. Thanks for the kind words; hard to believe they pay me for this.

I just got done reading your mailbag and it came to me why you’re funny. You’re the golf version of Don Rickles. Do you ever go to the local muni and insult people? Or do you only do that through your column?
— Kyle Stoltenberg, Sioux Falls, SD

Which muni will you be playing this week? If I’m around I’ll stop by and hurl insults at you during your backswing. I love Sioux Falls by the way, and anyone named Don, especially Don Cherry. I do a speech up there every August for the Make a Wish folks.


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