Feherty’s Mailbag

If you’ve ever wanted to send David Feherty a question or comment, here’s your chance! David is putting down his mike to answer your E-mails in his mailbag column for GOLFONLINE.

Click here to send him your best question or comment. (Note: Letters may be edited for clarity and length).

David, why is it that the second one guy starts wearing his shades upside down on the back of his head, 50 follow suit the next day?
— Chris Grzesik, Wadhurst, United Kingdom

Because they all got a call from their agents the night before who said, “Listen, you morons, Titleist isn’t paying your useless ass $100,000 to be on your headwear just so you can cover up their name with a pair of dopey-looking Oakley re-entry shields. Oakley by the way, nimrod, isn’t paying you s–t (and if they are, where’s my 20 percent?) DON’T COVER UP THE LOGO, NUMB NUTS!!!”

Why are all of our older heros always wearing sweaters in pictures from their glory days? The trees are in bloom and it looks hot out. Global warming?
— Rick Stuckey, Mt. Prospect, IL

You own that Stuckybowl joint where they film “Ed”? I love that place. They’re wearing sweaters because the shirt companies wouldn’t pay them then and the sweaters guys would. What gets done, Rick, is what gets rewarded.

What is your best advice for the new-to-the-game player?
— Jeff Tessing, Deptford, N.J

The next time you’re in London, stop in at the Holland and Holland store in the Mayfair section of the city. Go straight to the counter and ask for Cavendish. Just as there will always be an England, there will always be a chap named Cavendish at Holland and Holland. Tell him you want an over/under with upgraded French black walnut burled wood and gold engraved side locks with a hunting scene. He will present you with a bill for about $55,000.00. Pay it without question. When you get the gun home, find a really ratty gun club. You know, the ones with the toothless, tattooed woman behind the counter who during breaks goes out and picks up the unbroken targets in the field? Then never go near a golf course again and we’ll all be the better for it.

I use a set of cavity-back irons and sometimes I find it difficult to shape the ball. My question is, is it easier to shape shots using a blade iron rather than a cavity-back iron?
–Benny Lopez, Hammon IN

Benny and the Jets: Why do you want to shape the ball? What’s wrong with round?

I’m a 3-handicap. I have one problem of sliding my hips through the downswing instead of turning. Any drills to help me improve? Thanks.
— Trace Dandrea, Boise ID

Trace: Is that a guy’s name? Fly to Nashville Tennessee. Rent a van. Drive to the Jack Daniels Distillery in Lynchburg. Buy a barrel of their finest bourbon. (Don’t get caught drinking any in Lynchburg, though, believe it or not, it’s a dry county). Drive all the way back to Boise. Invite all your friends over for a party. Drink the barrel dry. After it’s empty, and the cops and the firemen have all left, take the top off the barrel. Go out back, climb in the barrel and start swinging, my man. Problemo solvedo!

I don’t have a question to ask Uncle Dickie, just a few comments I would like to pass on. In my view, there is no one out there in the golf reporting field that can even come close to your refreshing outlook on life in general and golf in particular. I have read every one of your articles and even printed them for my golf-addicted friends so they can also split their sides laughing at your clever and entertaining witticisms. Your literary contributions to our sport are just what the doctor ordered. Keep up the good work! P.S. Hard as it maybe, try and go easy on your cohort McCord. He’s only trying to make ends meet.
— Paul Lanoue, Frankfurt, Germany

I love you, man, but McCord’s a bedwetting cross dresser. I’m sorry.

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