Feherty's Mailbag

Feherty’s Mailbag

If you’ve ever wanted to send David Feherty a question or comment, here’s your chance! David is putting down his mike to answer your E-mails in his mailbag column for GOLFONLINE.

Click here to send him your best question or comment.(Note: Letters may be edited for clarity and length).

Could you give us readers an idea of what a week is like as a commentator? Do you get to play the course before you commentate on it? Thanks.
— Jeffrey Formanczyk, East Lansing

Monday: Hopefully got in Sunday night if there wasn’t a Goddamn playoff and I missed the flight home again. Sleep late. Have She who Must be Obeyed bring in two lightly boiled with crisp bacon, golden toasted scones with clotted cream, raspberry jam and piping hot café au lait right to the bedroom. Nap. Stumble out of bed around 2:30. Slip on smoking jacket and ascot, call McCord to hear report of how magnificent I was yesterday. After flicking their turds off my lawn and onto the neighbor’s, take Sigmoid and Willard for walkies. Snifter or two of Ketel One and grapefruit. Dinner. Weak attempt at sex. (with myself). Take two Ambien and collapse, hopefully in bed.

Tuesday: Car pool duty. Try to remain in check while picking up other rich people’s offspring. Meet with Rory’s teacher. Try to convince her he was only kidding about shooting up the gym class. Double the dose on the Ritalin. Lunch with financial planner. Call agent and demand more bookings, need more money. Drive to shotgun club. Shoot 400 rounds of 28 gauge, miss 30 percent. Nap. Dinner. Field-test new case of Napa Valley Silver Oak Cab.

Wednesday: Same as Tuesday, unless I’m doing cable. Then I leave for tournament.

Thursday: Same as Wednesday unless I’m on cable, then I eat breakfast in hotel, go to course, eat lunch in CBS compound. Nap. Go to booth and perform extensive preparation for broadcast, which consists of: sound check and nap. Go back to hotel, go to bar and run up huge tab. Go to dinner with producer Lance and Barrow and Kostis. Let Kostis pick wine if Lance is buying.

Friday: Same as Thursday.

Saturday and Sunday: After I get to CBS compound, get trussed up in diabolical RF harness and hang antennas off dubious appendages. Walk all 18 with leaders while making brilliant commentary and reading greens as if I played on them all my life. Sweating like a lifer meeting the parole board for his last shot at getting out. Gold Bond powder shooting out my nose. Bar. Dinner, if I am ambulatory.

Hi David! Nice Name! Just curious to your opinion on Greg Norman’s golf future and your thoughts on whether he will win again on the PGA Tour, the majors, etc. I have been an avid fan of Greg since the mid 80’s and have really admired his game, as well as the class he displays not only in victory, but in defeat as well. Anyway just some of your thoughts as you are around these guys to have some of the inside scoop. It is amazing to me the parity on the Tour and the bright, new upcoming players that can hit the ball a mile. Appreciate your reply and the nice job you do announcing. Make sure to give McCord a hard time. Have a great day!
— Dave Summitt, Champaign IL

Greg’s done winning on the PGA Tour and sure as hell the majors. Don’t get me wrong, he still has a lot of game and could beat both of our asses with one arm, but win on the Tour? Hey, who knew Jake (Peter Jacobsen) would win last year at 49? It could happen, but I doubt it. His business career has really taken off the last few years. Between that and his family, I’m not sure he has the desire to spend the time it takes to get to the level he was when he was younger.

If you look at the top-50 players for the last few years, you’ll realize there is not really as much parity as you may think. The percentage of players breaking into the top ranks are relatively few, and some are on the strength of one-time wins who fade as quickly as they came. What concerns me is the fact that a top-notch player could play in the majors, the near-majors (Players Championship, Muirfield, Colonial, etc.)and the World Golf Championships and earn enough money in just those events to make a season. That weakens the field for the week-in/week-out events, who have to recruit hard to get the highest-level player they can for their event. Let’s face it, the fans pay to see Tiger, Michelson, Furyk, Love, et al. The Tour needs to address this issue and soon.

David, is there any substance to the rumor that Tiger’s contract with the PGA requires that no one but he can wear a predominantly red shirt during the final round of a major? Unless, of course, he has missed the cut, which we all know won’t happen before 2025 at the earliest.
— Mike Guillory, Oberlin, Louisiana

Where does this crap get started? In the first place, Tiger doesn’t have a contract with the PGA Tour. He’s a member of the Tour and shows on the weeks he wants to play and wears whatever the hell he wants. The players have a rule book they put out every year and nowhere in there does it make any reference to what color apparel anyone wears. They have references to the type of things they may wear, such as no shorts, but not the color. If they didn’t, Jesper Parnevik would show up in stuff you really couldn’t bear to look at! Now, if Nike wanted to tell their players what color they could wear on Sunday, that’s up to them, but the Tour has nothing to do with that.

Why has golf become so boring and monotonous? The “new kids on the block” simply do not have the charisma that Tiger Woods has. It has become very difficult to muster any affection for a bunch of spoiled, egotistical and often homely millionaires. Help! I need an enthusiasm transfusion. Do you think 2004 will be bearable? Maybe if there were PGA Tour Cheerleaders…or maybe if the players had more interaction with the fans… Please God, let me love golf again!
PA.J., Fort Worth, Texas

It seems like I hear this lament every year. In fact, I’m pretty sure I heard or read about it when Nicklaus was challenging Palmer and Watson was taking a run at Nicklaus, when Miller was winning everything in sight and now Tiger’s the only exciting guy around. I think there’s a lot to be excited about. What about Ben Curtis’ win in the United Kingdom and Shaun Micheel in the PGA Championship? I think I may have heard the spoiled and egotistical charge before as well. Homely’s a first, though. The good news for the ugly guys, however, is they can usually find a much better looking wife or girlfriend than you, unless you just inherited 80 bajillion dollars. Now, Tiger’s not a bad looking guy, but do you think for one minute he’d be marrying Elin if he was “popping the rag” at the airport? (That’s shining shoes in case you don’t know). Funny the way that works.

PGA Tour cheerleaders, huh? You might want to try laying off the wacky tobacky for a while, my man.

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