Feherty's Mailbag

Feherty’s Mailbag

If you’ve ever wanted to send David Feherty a question or comment, here’s your chance! David is putting down his mike to answer your E-mails in his mailbag column for GOLFONLINE.

Click here to send him your best question or comment.(Note: Letters may be edited for clarity and length).

David, I like reading your stuff in the magazine. You write well and I like listening to you on your television coverage. My question is, growing up on the Euro Tour, what is the attitude towards American golf and how the players are treated on the American tour? To me, it seems that the Americans are treated extremely well. Is this the way you are/were treated on the Euro Tour? Also, is it too much of a difference between playing in several different countries and playing in different conditions to compare the two tours? Thanks.
— Ed Barrett, Wixom, MI

Eddie Baby: (Always wanted to say that, but I’ve no friends named Eddie)

The PGA Tour in the U.S. and the European PGA Tour try to treat the players as well as possible since they want to make sure they play there. The title sponsors and host organizations on both sides of the pond want the strongest field they can get. That helps the gate and television ratings, which help the sponsors sell more of their stuff, which justifies the enormous expense of broadcasting this alleged sport.

In general, the U.S. tour is more comfortable from a player’s standpoint. The travel distances are less and the airfare is cheaper; the language is at least consistent,(although sentence construction and syntax is deplorable except for the deep South, where, regardless of the grammar no one can understand a word anybody says); the food’s decent, affordable and dependable if not imaginative; (except down South again, where the first question every waitress asks is, “How ya’ll want that fried?”); there’s a free gassed-up courtesy car at every stop and, best of all, if you finish well, you make a hell of a lot more money. Those are the primary reasons the Europeans beat the bejesus out of the Americans in the Ryder Cup every other year; they’re just really pissed off.

While I do not wish you to say or write anything ill-willed toward Mr. Hal Sutton, I would like to know if you had any insight as to why he has been picked as the Ryder Cup captain for the American side. Couldn’t we have someone a tad more jovial and light-hearted? This is not life and death, yet it seems that the quality that is most sought after is the ability to bleed red, white and blue when cut. If I might suggest a few, slightly less Spartan-like, candidates: How about Bill Murray (I know, he’s not a PGA member), Peter Jacobsen, or Gary McCord? Someone with a sense a humor and a passion for camaraderie.
— Tom Garvey, Chapel Hill, NC

Any relation to Steve? How many times have you been married? More than Hal?

To begin with, Hal Sutton ain’t no Robin Williams. The PGA of America is a very somber group and it’s way beyond their capacity to consider someone like McCord who, frankly, is a little light in the spikes for that assignment. If the entire U.S. team came out of the closet, McCord might have a chance.

By the way, if you think Hal’s a little stiff, wait ’till you get a load of that madcap scamp, Bernhard Langer! What a cut-up Herman the German is! The joint press conference before the event with these two leading the discussion will be a right barney.

What is your opinion on Broomhandle-putters? I just read an interview where Colin Montgomerie said long putters should be banned. I know you are using one, or at one time have used one. Any ideas?
— Pekka Loukkola, Oulu, Finland


Let me tell you, Pekka, I miss just as many putts with the long putter as ever did with the short one, hell, maybe more. I could have that thing bolted to one of my chins and attach it to a universal joint mounted on my not inconsiderable stomach for additional stability and still manage to leave every putt a foot short. It’s not the arrows, bubba, it’s the archer. Go back to your sauna.

You have a sick, twisted, and obviously perverted sense of humor. That must be why I think you are the funniest guy since Lewis Grizzard. If I could put together a fantasy foursome for a round of golf, you would be first on the list, right in front of Lee and Arnold. We might not do that much damage to par, but we could seriously deplete a stock of frosty cold Dos Equis dark beer and I’m sure we could sufficiently terrorize all who came in contact with us.

Thanks for the tip on the III Forks Steak House in Dallas. It is now my favorite pit stop when I come back to Texas to visit my family. I had the opportunity to meet Rick there, and I believe everything he told me about you. I don’t know if you are a barbecue aficionado or not, but if so, take a drive down to Waco some weekend and try “Underwoods.” It’s a Texas tradition that is slowly dying out. Keep it on the short grass.
— Gerry Calk, Columbia, SC (grew up in Coleman, TX)

Did you invent that stuff I put around my windows every fall? You must be one wealthy son of a gun. Incidentally, I don’t care where you grew up. What is it with Texans? Why they are compelled to tell everyone where they’re from all the time? Who cares? By the way, I’m from here too.

Why would you put a Mexican, a Pennsylvanian and an Irishman together? Sounds like the beginning of a really bad joke. Thanks for letting me know about talking to Rick about my recommendation. I have a commission deal with him and I think he’s been slow playing me, if you get my drift. I’m going to check the register receipts against the list he sends me and I had better see your name or I’m gonna hit Rick so hard, he’ll have to wash his underpants to clean his teeth. God, I’m starting to sound like a Texan. Thank God the season has started.

For the life of me, I can never figure out how the pairings are picked before a tournament starts. Alphabetical? Names in a hat? Straws? And how do they pick the pairings heading into the weekend?
— Adam P., Pristina, Kosovo

The first two days they are paired by money list into threesomes. A players play with A Players, B players with B players and so on. They play the first two days with the same guys, only they reverse the order. (If a group played in the morning on Thursday, they’ll play the afternoon on Friday). Once the cut is made, (top 70 and ties), they play according to finish. The players at the bottom of the field play early each day. The field plays in reverse order from bottom to top and is redone each day.

In your opinion, what weaknesses do you see in Tiger’s game? I cannot find any — wondering what your thoughts are?
— Kevin, Chicago

Are you kidding me? The Tigers lost 119 games last season, Kevin. Christ, one more and they would have set a record for the most losses in a single season. They have no pitching, they can’t hit…no weaknesses???

Huh? Oh…sorry, you mean Tiger Woods. You’re right, he’s pretty buttoned up, golf wise, I mean. He’ll be fine as long as he maintains his self discipline and doesn’t “Kobe” up or get gigantic tattoo on his face or something. I would advise him not to make too many more commercials with Charles Barkley though, it might start rubbing off.

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