Feherty's Mailbag

Feherty’s Mailbag

If you’ve ever wanted to send David Feherty a question or comment, here’s your chance! David is putting down his mike to answer your E-mails in his mailbag column for GOLFONLINE.

Click here to send him your best question or comment. (Note: Letters may be edited for clarity and length).

David, do you and Gary McCord ever play against each other and who often wins? (Note: I hesitated before typing the “who wins” part because I can guess the answer.
— Kevin, Atlanta, GA

We try desperately to avoid playing on the same planet together, let alone on the same golf course. Actually, no, we don’t play together at all if we can avoid it. I can’t stand to see him mincing around, listen to him sigh and cluck when he misses his 45th putt of the day, constantly yakking on the cell phone to one of those Hollywierd producers about some hair-brained, stupid, half-baked golf sitcom, while all the while waving at a “so 5 minutes ago” celebrity while simultaneously muttering under his breath what a loser the guy is. This is not my idea of fun golf.

And I have never lost to him.

I love your online golf instruction section on the web site. Good stuff and funny. So I have to ask…When are you going to do a golf instruction book or maybe a video? Golf the Feherty way.
— Vern Suesse, Phoenix, AZ

HEY, VERN…Did you write that “Cat in the Hat” thing? My kids love that stuff. Green eggs and ham and all that. Brilliant. I’ve just finished a book on the history of the Ryder Cup and I’m not writing any more for a while, especially not on golf. I hate golf. I’ve used up my store of words and I have to let my head refill before I can go back for more.

What are your thoughts about the Battle at Big Horn match this summer between Tiger/Kuehne and Mick/Daly? I think the Mick/Daly team is the most interesting. On one side, you have Phil, who seems more like a wine and cheese guy. On the other, you have John who is more of a beer and cheeze-whiz type guy. How’s that going to play out? From watching past Battle events with Mick, he likes to talk quite a bit with his partner on the greens. I even sensed some tension in this area when he teamed with Sergio.
— David Castle, Garland, TX

These contrived matches bore me to tears. I’d rather watch George Carlin and Steven Wright go at in a comedy laugh-off for the right to force Barbra Streisand to write a check to The Committee to Re-elect George Bush.

I was wondering how much money Nike paid you for your brilliant idea featuring Tiger and Frank. Just as you said, Nike should feature a commercial where Tiger puts a larger driver into Frank, and what do you know, the folks down at Swoosh central LISTENED TO YOU. Hope you are getting a little bit of that cash. — Ryan O’Neil

You’re absolutely right, I wrote that commercial months ago, but I’m sorry, I can’t discuss my arrangements with Nike, with whom I have no association. I’m a Cobra ho. But let’s just say, if I don’t get a check, like tomorrow, a certain Mr. Knight will be hearing from my attack attorney, Mr Turdley McGoldstein.

My sales staff for Christmas chipped in and purchased for me the PC version of EA Sports “Tiger Woods 2004.” At my age (48) and being video game challenged,I must say it is quite fun to look at the virtual remakes of those famous courses loaded into the software, even if I still cannot shoot a decent score. To my surprise the commentary provided by you and Gary McCord is very humorous and quite entertaining, it is really like you are commenting on my horrific shots. That time in the studio must have been a hoot. Have you played or listened to it yourself? Thanks for your wit and humor added to a video game.
— John Cole, Fairfield, OH

Come now, you’re smoking me, right? You can’t really be a sales mangler, can you? I mean you’ve just put 200 words together without making a sentence. You can’t possibly think McCord actually had anything to do with creating that drivel, can you? Look John, a 48-year-old man should not be playing golf video games all day. Has it occurred to you that your sales staff might be taking advantage of you? I guess it’s true, when a salesman becomes ineffective in the field, they make him the “VP of Sales.” I’m thinking they’ll all in a bar at this very moment, laughing their collective asses off that they got you a video game and you’ve forgotten completely to ask them for their numbers this week. And yes, I’ve played it — but not very often. I can’t take the commentary.

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