Feherty's Mailbag

Feherty’s Mailbag

If you’ve ever wanted to send David Feherty a question or comment, here’s your chance! David is putting down his mike to answer your E-mails in his mailbag column for GOLFONLINE.

Click here to send him your best question or comment. (Note: Letters may be edited for clarity and length).

I have enjoyed your column for years and have read all of your books. My question to you is, what is a besotted Irishman doing in Texas of all places? The climate is incredibly boring, and I know that one day you will let us in on what you really think of native Texans and your adopted state. Although I would suggest not letting us in on it until after you move far away — Texans are, as you know, notoriously short-tempered about insults to their state and/or persons. I’m sure you don’t miss the food from the “Olde Sod,” but the beer must drive you mad (as if you needed encouragement). I suppose the whiskey travels well, as confirmed by your mad monthly rants in these and other pages. Keep up the lunacy, as golf would be entirely too serious without you making light of our madness for the game!
— Jack Wolf, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Wolf Man Jack:

Thought you were dead, man. Good to have you back.

I like Texas. I like Dallas. I like America and I’m proud to say I received my permanent residency card recently. Soon I will apply for the Texas green card as well, although I hear they’re much more difficult to get if you don’t own a pick-up. I’ve even become accustomed to cold beer, and Irish whiskey is fairly easy to find if you look for it. All in all, I made a pretty fair trade. Ireland’s my home and I will always be Irish, but I’ve made a nice life for myself here and I reckon I’ll be stayin’ fer a spell, podner.

Your bio says you live in Irving, Texas. This makes little sense, based on my own experience in Irving. I flew into to Dallas-Fort Worth Airport for a conference in Dallas, but, since I registered late, the only place to stay was the Days Inn in Irving, half a mile from Texas Stadium, the one with the hole in the top for God to watch his Cowboys. It had been a long trip, culminating in having a native Texan, still working on freeway driving, take us from the airport to the inn. Tired, hungry and THIRSTY, I stumbled down to the diner. The first thing I asked the cute little Texas thing waiting tables was “what’s on tap?” To which she answered, “We don’t serve beer. Irving is DRY.” Ignoring the contradiction of having a football stadium in a dry town, what is an Irishman doing in a dry town like Irving? Or have they entered the late 20th century?
— Mike McKeown

I don’t live in Irving; I live in Dallas. Dallas is wet, very wet. Since I am aware Irving is dry, I have never even stopped for a red light there. The Irving police have a permanent warrant out for my arrest. For my part, I’ve begun a class action lawsuit on behalf of the residents of Irving as well as anyone who has had to pass through it citing cruel and unusual punishment. I I’ll keep you posted; you may be entitled to some compensation.

I have just spent many months in Columbia building a power plant. Before I left, a friend bequeathed his copy of “A Nasty Bit of Rough” and I purchased “Somewhere in Ireland …”. Both were great reads and supplied badly needed humor in the middle of nowhere. Any chance we’ll get some more stories of the European Tour as those stories in the second book were wonderful. Or do we need to let a few die off so as not to embarass?

Keep up the good work. The game of golf needs you with these walking stiffs populating so much of the game these days.
— Terry Kanaley

Welcome back and glad I could help. I designed a course down in Medellin, Columbia a few years back for Pablo Escabar. He named it “Nostrils” Golf Club and Spa. It was only two holes, though. Apparently, he had attention span issues. He paid me $100,000 in $50 bills all rolled up like toilet paper. Took me forever to count the whole thing. Go to your book store immediately and buy my new book about the history of the Ryder Cup.

During a rather unenjoyable round recently I hit a shot into a swampy hazzard. I found my ball in the tall grass (is there any other kind?) resting upon a second golf ball, apparently hit by another unlucky sole. My question is this: Can I move the second ball so I can hit my shot without penalty? Also, what is the wierdest lie you’ve ever had in competition?
— David Chorzempa, Riverside, Illinois

There is no penalty for hitting the wrong ball in a hazard, so my advice to you is to take your best swing at them both and play the one that finishes closest to the hole. Walk quickly and carry a clipboard, and no one will ask any questions. The weirdest lie I heard in competition was when McCord told me he was having fun on the Champions Tour.

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