Feherty’s mailbag

If you’ve ever wanted to send David Feherty a question or comment, here’s your chance! David is putting down his mike to answer your E-mails in his monthly mailbag column for GOLFONLINE.

Click here to send him a question or comment. But consider yourself warned — he’s golf’s ultimate wise guy!

What is your opinion on broom-handled putters? I just read an interview where Colin Montgomerie said long putters should be banned. I know you are using one, or at one time have used one. Any ideas?
— Pekka Loukkola, Oulu, Finland

Personally, I have no problem with broom-handled putters, but for the small matter of their use when measuring one or two clublength drops. There’s something not quite right about that. The rules do intrigue me though, when I think of the relationship between long putters and the Victoria’s Secret models. These catalogs fall through my mail slot with displeasing regularity, and as a responsible parent, I have to spend many a diligent hour flicking through them one-handed, just to make sure they contain nothing that might poison the minds of my teenage sons. Just the other day, while gazing for a particularly long time at one picture, another, more disturbing image sprang to mind. With some of these splendid push-up-and-squeeze-em-together-boulder-holders ladies are sporting these days, would it not be possible to anchor the butt-end of a broom-handled putter in there, and just let that puppy swing?

I think it might, and if so, would we then have the first case of non-conforming underwear for the USGA to consider? Hey, don’t shoot the messenger, but you heard it here. If Nike can alter their running bra just slightly, you can expect Tiger to be working a little harder on his pecs fairly shortly.

When the time comes, will you play the Champions Tour full time, remain behind a microphone, or partake a little of both? Either way, we win. You’re the best thing to happen to golf since the Velcro snap bra.
— Don Decelles, Manchester, NH

First, I’m not sure how the Velcro strap bra has affected golf, but thank you anyway. I’m a big fan of spectator mounds too, and away we go, we’re off the subject in record time on this one. With regard to me playing the Champions Tour: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again — I’d rather stuff a 12-gauge shell up my backside and squat over the nearest campfire for an hour than give McCord the chance to duff, shank, scrape, limp, or let the last drop stain the front of his $400 pants on the same golf course as me. If he did any of the previous better than me, I’d have to fall on my sand wedge. I’m sticking to announcing, hopefully until I’m completely Thurmond. I think I just invented a new verb!

I heard a Danish IOC member stating that the world’s best golf players would never be interested in playing golf at the Olympic Games because they make too much money. Would it be possible to get the players’ point of view and, of course, your point of view?
— Johnny Nielsen, Atlanta

I don’t think I’d agree with the Danish IOC member on at least one count here, although IOC members seem to be the last group of people left on Earth to realize that some Olympians are making a lot of money. If an Ethiopian millet-herder can scrape a four-year living out of the games, I’m thinking the average pro golfer might have a chance. The real problem is, no one has invented a drug that enhances a golfer’s performance. (There was that wee blue one that helped Bill Clinton, but I don’t think it counts.)

No, I don’t expect to see golfers in the Olympic Games until golf becomes a test of endurance or speed. Then, you can bet someone will take a crack at it.

While I do not wish you to say or write anything ill-willed toward Mr. Hal Sutton, I would like to know if you had any insight as to why he has been picked as the Ryder Cup captain for the American side? Couldn’t we have someone a tad more jovial and light-hearted? This is not life and death, yet it seems that the quality that is most sought after is the ability to bleed red, white and blue when cut. If I might suggest a few, slightly less Spartan-like, candidates. More Captain Steubing and less Captain Queeg. How about Bill Murray (I know, he’s not a PGA member), Peter Jacobsen, or Gary McCord? Someone with a sense a humor and a passion for camaraderie.
— Tom Garvey, Chapel Hill, NC

In response to your Ryder Cup captaincy question, I agree wholeheartedly that Bill Murray would be an excellent choice, at least from a European standpoint. But for anyone who would like to see the Americans regain the trophy next time, I think Hal Sutton was a logical choice. Hal has a little more of a sense of humor than most people are aware of, and is a classic southern gentleman with a keen sense of fair play. Also, his wife Ashleigh is the kind of woman who would make a train stop and take a dirt road. While this might seem irrelevant to some, I think, combined with Elin Nordgren, and most of the rest of the U.S. significant others, the American women are, if not intimidating, at least significantly distracting. Every little bit helps.

The thought of McCord being the captain of anything other than the Titanic is terrifying. A Ryder Cup captain has to have an almost military sense of how to maneuver his men, and deal with the omnipresent entourage. McCord is schizophrenic, so he is often his own entourage, but as he is also gay and agoraphobic, his main tactical problem would be to get himself out of the closet in his hotel room, after which he’d probably be too emotional to make the type of rational decisions that are usually required at a Ryder Cup. The whole thing might end up being decided by whichever team had the nicest uniforms.

For the life of me, I can never figure out how the pairings are picked before a tournament starts. Alphabetical? Names in a hat? Straws? And how do they pick the pairings going into the weekend?
— Adam P., Pristina, Kosovo

I could be making this up, but I think the initial threesomes for the first two rounds of most PGA Tour events are chosen by picking one player from the top fifty in the rankings, one from the second fifty, and one from the third. Then, after the cut is made, the players are spat out of the computer in reverse order, with the leaders teeing off last. Of course there is the occasional event that is big enough to make it up as they go along. One guess.

Hi David! Nice name! Just curious as to your opinion on Greg Norman’s golf future and your thoughts on whether he will win again on the PGA Tour, the majors, etc. I have been an avid fan of Norman since the mid-’80s and have really admired his game, as well as the class he displays not only in victory but in defeat. Anyway, just some of your thoughts, as you are around these guys enough to have some of the inside scoop. It is amazing to me the parity on Tour and the bright, new upcoming players who can hit the ball a mile. Appreciate your reply and the nice job you do announcing. Make sure to give McCord a hard time. Have a great day!
— Dave Summitt, Champaign, IL

I’m a big Greg Norman fan, and to be honest I think we’re going to see him play a lot less golf over the next few years. I certainly don’t want to see him out there on the Grateful Nearly Dead Tour, that’s for certain. As to whether or not he’ll win again on the regular Tour, it wouldn’t surprise me if he has a couple more in him. Then, I see him jumping into a Ferrari, driving to the heliport, choppering offshore to the biggest privately owned yacht in the world, and sailing into the sunset.

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