Feherty's Mailbag

Feherty’s Mailbag

If you’ve ever wanted to send David Feherty a question or comment, here’s your chance! David is putting down his mike to answer your E-mails in his mailbag column for GOLFONLINE.

Click here to send him your best question or comment. (Note: Letters may be edited for clarity and length).

Don’t tell me you gave up drinking. That’s like saying McCord has given up being a dork. And if you feel like defending him go watch Tin Cup. Anyway, every once in a while our group needs a 4th and most of the time it’s a work buddy or somebody’s brother-in-law. I know brothers-in-law are suppose to be annoying, but what’s a good way to let somebody know their etiquette sucks without looking like a jerk and offending the real friend who brought the flag-dropping-while-I’m-putting-22 handicapper? I really enjoy all that you do… with golf.
Hugs and kisses,
Case in Denver

Case: (and everyone else who asked about my “Lifestyle Change”)

Okay, okay; I know this is hard for you to get your heads around, but I have indeed given up the gargle. She who Must be Obeyed pointed out that staggering amounts of Bushmills, my poison of choice, were causing me to, well, stagger. This was a personal, and necessary, decision on my part and I absolutely promise I will not preach, bore to tears, bray about the benefits, share the horror, force anyone to bear witness, or offer testimony. Neither will I proselytize anyone to do the same. Look, we all get a finite amount of alcohol we can consume in one life. By the time I was 32 I had exhausted my allocation and was working on several non-drinking dead peoples’ supply. Enough already. And that’s all I’m going to say about that…except that it sucks.

As to that annoying prong who occasionally joins your group, I find nose blowing, burping the alphabet, shooting beer out of your nose and, of course, the old standby — projectile farting at the top of his backswing — will usually get the point across. Good luck.

I’m sorry, I thought I just read that you stopped drinking. I must be drunk.
–Dean, Canada

If there’s a God in heaven you are.

My father is an avid golfer (avg. 72-74). He has played (and loved) Pebble Beach and St. Andrews. I want to send him on another trip – where would you suggest in the U.S. and abroad? Thank you!
–K.C.

My God. How the hell can he be 72 one day and then 74 the next? Just call him 73 and be done with it, and send the old goat wherever you want as long as it’s not near me. I have enough problems with my own father, who thinks he’s Camilla Parker-Balls.

Great job in the booth. I don’t believe you and McCord don’t play golf together. You both sound like pals and I’m sure you two are a hit in the 19th hole. What’s your favorite golf course, playing or working? Thank you and much continued success.
–Jeff

Thanks for the kind words. I have been known to feign strokes and heart attacks in order to avoid having to hang around McCord in a bar. I rarely play golf anymore, but my favorite to play is Royal County Down in Northern Ireland. My favorite to work is anyplace that’s flat, like Colonial. I actually don’t particularly like the booth, I prefer to walk, hence the flat preference.

Enjoy your on-course and off-course commentary, have done so since I took up golf (about 5 years) when I turned 55. My question is: Why do I see a lot of the pros wearing steel spikes when a great number of courses require SoftSpikes? Thanks for your time.
–Garry Fraser, Canada

How desperately sad that you had to take up such an affectation at your age, you poor, misguided bastard. As for the spikes, the PGA Tour has no requirement with respect to footwear. They considered it once when Doug Ford and Ken Green showed up with their obscene brogans years ago, but alas, took no formal action. The real reason that many of the pros choose to wear nails is that it can get pretty expensive to fall on your ass at the start of your downswing.

I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your writing and TV work. I always go to the last page of GOLF MAGAZINE first. When you write about getting older it’s always hilarious. Too bad it’s true. You always seem to get it right. I spent my 50th birthday in Afghanistan on a deployment with the U. S. Army National Guard. I know, after 32 years, I’m getting too old for this s–t. Hopefully, this will be my last one. You have a lot of new fans over here because even the guys that don’t know anything about real golf love to play Tiger Woods PGA Tour on their computers. I’m always telling them that those guys on there are real announcers on TV. I will be going home soon and I have been buying a lot of new golf equipment on line over here so I can still keep up with the young guys (too bad you can’t buy a new body). My question is: How do I explain all this new stuff to my One Who Must Be Obeyed?
— Rod, BAF, Afghanistan

Thank God for men like you, who put their lives on the line to look after pu–ies like me. Don’t confuse “She who Must be Obeyed” with “She who Must Never be Lied to.” Tell her you won the stuff in the hundreds of card games you played over there. Get back safe and hopefully soon and don’t be going back again at your age, you idiot.


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