Feherty’s Mailbag

If you’ve ever wanted to send David Feherty a question or comment, here’s your chance! David is putting down his mike to answer your E-mails in his mailbag column for GOLFONLINE.

Click here to send him your best question or comment. (Note: Letters may be edited for clarity and length).

At the aptitude testing foundation at which I work, we test for each client’s eye dominance. I can remember once reading Jack Nicklaus write that it may be an advantage for a right-handed golfer to have a dominant left eye, and vice versa for a left-handed golfer. Any truth to this theory?
— Rob Panasik, New York City

No doubt about it, your theory is correct. Virtually every successful golfer in history has had the opposite eye dominant advantage. I don’t have a dominant eye myself and as a result my nose, which lies in neutral territory, had to take over the whole putting thing. This was particularly vexing on windy days when it was often impossible to smell the longer putts. Sometimes I would have to close my eyes altogether and snort like a mule on crack to get the line. Once I got it though, dear God but I was deadly. A byproduct of this phenomenon was that I never needed a handkerchief while playing. However, I had to withdraw if I had a cold.

Sadly, the advantage has proven useless in sporting clay shooting, which is my real passion. Try as I might, I am unable to perfect what I call olfactory shooting. Therefore, in order to overcome the dominant eye factor I have taken up mounting the butt of the gun directly on the bridge of my nose. The recoil is a bastard.

Your column is the best. It’s the first thing I turn to when my magazine arrives and I split a gut every month. But I can’t help but wonder, is there a reason why CBS doesn’t let you talk more?
–David Whalen,Saginaw, MI

Whale: It’s not CBS that restricts my dulcet tones, my boy, it’s the players. They get really pissed if I talk in the middle of their putting stroke. Since I’m usually pretty close to the action, I have to be mindful of my talking.

I’m sorry about your gut. That’s gotta’ hurt.

You still earn (insert laugh here) your living from golf (columns, books, head talking, interviewing, quest speaking etc.). If you were to insert your income into the yearly PGA tour money list, how pleased with your ranking would you be?
— Geikie, Canada

A damn sight more pleased than I would be if I had to earn the same amount playing this stupid, useless, annoying game.

I was recently downsized by a large financial services company and thought perhaps you could help me get a job as an on course golf reporter. With the popularity of reality shows I believe the golf viewing public would love an ordinary golfer type guy calling the action in a style that they could relate to. I would use insightful descriptions like “Holy crap, how did he do that?” and “The rough is really, really deep here.” We could even film segments with me attempting to hit shots that the pros would be faced with during the week to see how an ordinary golfer type guy would do in the same situations. Hope to hear from you soon. Do you guys make much money?

P.S. I just finished “The History of the Ryder Cup”. All I can think of is seeing one of the current pros, coming off the course after his round, going into the press tent and explaining that his play improved drastically after the turn, thanks to the “formidable turd” he released in the locker room. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life.
–Jim Severance, Richmond, VA

Sorry about your job, but what the hell did you expect with a name like Severance? Jesus, man, change your name to something more positive like “Raise” or “Bonus” or something.

I’m sure you’ll do well as a golf announcer with those pithy observations you describe above. That’s repartee and badinage of the first order, that stuff. It’s certainly a damn sight better than anything McCord comes up with. And Nantz is the only one making any money on this deal.

Having just witnessed your ads for Cobra I’m still impressed how you’ve managed to keep that wonderful Irish twang after all your time on the other side of the pond. However, I’m worried that your waistline has definitely gotten all “American.” Do you still go walking the fairways for CBS? Because maybe you should try jogging them a little and lose the odd pound or two. Keep up the good work!
— Garry Adam, Stonehaven, Aberdeenshire, Scotland

Ah, the famous crushingly direct Scots! Never one to mince words, that bunch. By the way, I’ve been to Stonehaven. What a beautiful part of the world. Too bad we can’t move it somewhere where the weather’s nicer, like Hawaii.

Obviously you haven’t seen the new version of me. I’m down to 170 pounds soaking wet with an erection, and holding an Ailsa Craig curling stone in each hand.

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