Feherty's Mailbag

Feherty’s Mailbag

If you’ve ever wanted to send David Feherty a question or comment, here’s your chance! David is putting down his mike to answer your E-mails in his mailbag column for GOLFONLINE.

Click here to send him your best question or comment. (Note: Letters may be edited for clarity and length).

Out of all the CBS golf announcers and analysts who is the worst golfer?
— Kevin Holder, Riverdale, Georgia

McCord’s so bad at everything it’s hard not to pick him for worst golfer. He’s certainly the worst dresser (he rendered Mr. Blackwell speechless), has the worst hand-eye coordination (he has to be vacuumed after he eats), the worst drunk (picture Benny Hinn singing “Feelings” after several bottles of communion wine), and the worst name-dropper EVER, (say, isn’t that Bob Redford over there?). But hey, like I said at least he dresses badly. But on the golf side, he’s actually our best player. If it weren’t for Nantz, I’d be the worst.

I look forward to everything you write. I have two questions. First, my local library doesn’t have a copy of your book. Could you look into that? Second, I was playing behind McCord in Vail, Colorado a few years ago. He and his partner hit big drives down the middle of the first fairway (obviously a downhill shot) and raced to their balls. While we waited for them to clear they pulled a 180, went flying past us and the starter and shouted they had forgotten the “gun for the gophers.” Is this a McCord for “we left the bottle in the car”? Thanks for making it fun.
— John Speranza, Colorado

Rugged Land, my publisher, will hear of this travesty. In the meantime, come on, cough up the dough, tightwad. Buy the book! It’ll last you a lifetime.

McCord and his “partner” (and we all know what the definition of “partner” is these days, don’t we?) may have decided to go back to Gary’s place rather than finish the round, but it seems more likely they were going gopher fishing, a pastime that requires a fishing rod, a shotgun, and two congenital idiots. The fisherman makes a slip noose in his line which he carefully lays around the chosen gopher hole. Then they wait for the gopher to pop up for a look at what’s going on, at which point the fisherman yanks the course-mangling little bastard out and the shooter does his best to pick the little bugger off. It’s not as easy as it sounds, as gophers have a nasty tendency to run straight at the guy with the fishing rod. Best to wear orange if you don’t have the shotgun.

I never did see the late Moe Norman in person, but I knew of him and heard many stories. Did you ever meet him or see him in action? If you did, could you share a story or two? Thanks.
— Barrie Barrington

Sorry, didn’t know the guy other than by reputation, but I did meet him once at the Canadian PGA Championship. His wheel was spinning, but his hamster was gone. The really remarkable thing about him was the fact he could hit the ball at all with that god-awful method. If a real coach had gotten a hold of him, he might have been a world-beater.

I just wanna say I originally disliked you. But after hearing you talk about Payne Stewart during your “lessons from the pros” on The Golf Channel, I saw you in a new light I was refusing to see you in before. You are a genuine person who’s got a lot of class. Well, OK, no class, but you’re pretty damn cool. Do you have any other good stories about Payne Stewart besides the one from the ’91 Ryder Cup? Thanks, and oh, by the way, “Somewhere in Ireland …” is fricking hilarious!
— Andrew, Toronto, Ontario

I have to admit, after reading your first sentence, I wasn’t warming up to you much either. Payne glued my hotel room door shut once, and when I finally got it open, there was a groundhog under my bed, wearing a pair of my Y-fronts. I loved the bastard more than you could imagine.

I’ve imagined you and Lee Trevino in the booth together. Have you? Will you? I think the sky’s the limit! Could you two inciteful, glib, energetic and extemporaneously humourous icons share center stage effectively?
— Robert L. Robinson, Bountiful, Utah

I can’t think of the word “bountiful” without thinking of breasts. I don’t know why, I just can’t. I could never live there.

First off, I don’t like the booth. I like walking the course and being down on the ground with the players. I don’t think Lee would like that so much and besides, having two analysts together probably wouldn’t work so well. We’d be arguing over which way the putt breaks all the time. I love Lee, though. Second to last of the great shotmakers. (There was that Tiger guy.) But what Lee could do with a wedge was nothing short of Homeric.

As a 48-year-old golfer is it considered “girlie” to use hybrids, hacksticks, and fairway woods all the way up to a 7-iron? I carry no irons below the 7.
— Jim Logemann, Phoenix Arizona

What the hell is a hackstick? There are a lot of things considered “girlie” in golf: pink tees, playing from the reds, culottes, Capri pants, NEVER giving a putt, arguing over rules you don’t know, not watching your ball after you hit it, keeping score with the aid of a string of beads hanging from your bag, tassels on your shoes, little fuzzy balls that hang off the heels of your socks, Sesame Street character head covers, paisley bags and making little snowmen on the scorecard when you take an eight. But playing with the all-wood concept is fine. Kick some ass with your 11-wood pal. Most of us would be better players if we had enough balls to be a little more girlie.

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