David Feherty's Mailbag

David Feherty’s Mailbag

If you’ve ever wanted to send David Feherty a question or comment, here’s your chance! David is putting down his mike to answer your E-mails in his mailbag column for GOLFONLINE.

Click here to send him your best question or comment. (Note: Letters may be edited for clarity and length).

David,
I have noticed NFL kickers compress the ball with their hands before kicking off. Why do they do this, and should I consider doing it as part of my pre-shot routine in golf?

Brad Titus, Calif.

Brad:
NFL kickers, like professional golfers, are an incredibly superstitious gaggle of geese. Although I don’t have a personal relationship with any NFL kickers, I did get a Garo Yepremian jock strap from Gary McCord for Christmas one year. But I digress. The reason they squeeze the ball before they kick it is to exorcise the demon that possesses all Wilson balls. No kick has ever been returned for a touchdown after a kicker has successfully exorcised the ball-devil, (known as a Rozelle) in all the pro pigskins. So what I’m saying is, squeeze away at your balls if they are manufactured by Wilson. I don’t know if they’re haunted or not, but if you’re going to hit them with a golf club anyway, a little squeeze could hardly hurt.

David,
Why is it that hockey players make good golfers? Considering that you can’t whack someone with your 1-iron across the shins after a bad shot, you’d think the frustration would be too much for them to handle.

Kent Salfi

Kent:
One of the smartest coaches of all time, Jacque Demers, just wrote a book revealing he can’t read. That’s why hockey players make good golfers; they’re incapable of rational thought. A good golf swing requires an empty mind, (ask Sandy Lyle), and hockey players are supremely suited for the task. By the way, who says you can’t gash your opponent with an iron after a bad shot? The hockey players I play with, hook, slash, board and body check and that’s only when we’re shooting sporting clays.

David,
Gary McCord’s facial hair is starting to resemble a Billy goat on steroids. I don’t know if you are really his friend, his mentor, his working side kick or his bed fellow but can you talk to him, man to goat, and get him to shave that thing?

Mike Noah

Mike:
Get all those animals on board yet? How do you get zoning authority for an Ark? My conversations with McCord never involve his facial follicle growth, which he originally grew to hide his Adam’s apple in gay bars. Over the years, he has deluded himself into believing that it, and that nose-shrubbery of his is attractive, although to be fair, there is one novelty store in Scottsdale that has had tremendous success, using a picture of him to sell toilet seat picture frames.

David,
Just started to read the columns and emails. Didn’t know you gave up the drink. Good for you. As a guy with an Irish ancestry, I have seen both the good and bad side of the sauce. The old man was 20 years sober when he dropped dead but still had a good time in life. I gave it up for over a year and a half. It didn’t quite stick with me, but I learned that thing they call moderation. As the brilliant Homer J. Simpson once stated, “Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems.” Take care, the columns and emails are great.

Matt Monahan

Matt:
Wow, thanks for cheering me up. What am I supposed to do now, drop dead or start drinking again? Only the Irish can convince you of how lucky you are that you’re being hanged with a new rope. Thanks for the kind words, I think.


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