The People's Golf Writer's RV can't compete with the pros

The People’s Golf Writer’s RV can’t compete with the pros

No, for me, the deal-breaker would probably be the bathroom. As a stereotypical American male, I like heads the size of, say, football stadiums. When I think back to my childhood, it's a miracle that the McCallum family got by with five people using one small bathroom, particularly since my sister spent 12 hours a day in there. Perhaps this is a subject better explored in analysis than at golf.com, but there you are.Don't get me wrong: The bathroom is not unfairly small, and I have no doubt that some motorhome bathrooms are smaller. And some are bigger. Size in RVs, as in most things, matters. My neighbors Greg and Frank were having a discussion about whose RV was longer one day, and by the time they had finished playing mine's-bigger-than-yours I wasn't sure what we were talking about.One thing is certain: When it comes to touring golf pros, theirs are most certainly bigger than ours. I was surprised to discover how much the motorhome culture weaves through the Tour since many of these guys make enough money to have their own Gulfstreams. (Phil Mickelson is one of those guys.) The RV trend probably started with Davis Love III several years ago. His moniker doesn't exactly conjure up visions of a motorhome owner, but, then, Love's RV — a 45-footer known as a "land yacht" — doesn't exactly conjure up visions of an RV. It's the kind of palace-on-wheels that Imelda Marcos would've traveled in during her heyday, with substantial room for all her shoes. Love wasn't at the Open this week — his exemption for winning the 2007 PGA has run out — but he's billed and cooed about his traveling home many times. "I've got my bed, my pillows, my satellite card, my underwear and socks in the RV," he said a few years ago. Whether or not he also has a mortgage on the reported $1.25 million rig I don't know.Rory Sabbatini — who missed the cut but still might be, to the best of my knowledge, LRVG (Low RV Golfer) — travels the Tour with his wife, son and two dachshunds in another 45-foot land yacht that includes a washer and dryer. Zach Johnson, the 2007 Masters winner, is in his RV during many weeks of the Tour but did not bring it to Bethpage. John Daly is also a motorhome guy, and, oh, if motorhomes could talk, huh? Alas, Daly isn't here this week either, so I have no tales to tell. He did say once that the $1.3 million Dalymobile has a slideout propane grill so large that he can cook off 20 steaks at a time. I'm assuming the RV's capacity for adult beverages is even more impressive.I should emphasize that the pros' RVs are not parked at Battle Row — they are hard by the course. We're a simple people over here a mile from the course and don't need the big rigs with all the amenities. Many of my fellow Battle Row-ers, the ones in tents and smaller RVs, must trudge over to the public bathrooms at the back of the grounds three or four times a day. Which makes me feel a little guilty about my complaints.As Fran the p.r. guy points out: "At least RVs have bathrooms. Try going to the bathroom in a car or truck."I have, and I can tell you it's no day at the beach.