John Daly is 50! Extra Spin has obtained a copy of J.D.’s goals for his first year on the senior circuit.
April 28 Wow, the big five-oh! Begin training for debut at Insperity Invitational, May 6–8. World, meet a whole new J.D.!
May 1 Costco run: cigs, choc. milk, peanut butter Ritz Bits, Ben & Jerry’s. Protein, baby!
May 5 Gas up/wash/wax my ride. Slap on fresh “If the RV’s a rockin’, don’t come a-knockin'” bumper sticker.
May 6 Grip it and rip it! Long John is back, baby!
May 7 Mess with Langer, ask him if he’s noticed the hitch in his backswing. Heh-heh.
June 9 Senior Players, in Philly. Run (or walk?) up Rocky Balboa steps @ art museum!
July 8 Dick’s Sporting Goods Open. Ask CEO if interested in fashion-performance Loudmouth Spanx.
July 21 Senior Open, Carnoustie. Cadbury? Yes! Ladbrokes? Just say no, bro.
July 25 PGA Championship, Baltusrol. Avoid making 10 on par 3 & helicoptering iron into water.
Aug. 8 U.S. Senior Open at Scioto. Ask Jack to sign some merch.
Aug. 22 Boeing Classic in Wash. Long-drive contest w/local boy Freddie?
Sept. 16 Nature Valley First Tee deal @ Pebble. Free granola bars? What’s a “granola bar”?
Oct. 1 Endorse MedicAlert? “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up and down.” Lol!
Nov. 9 Golf w/Prez elect Trump. Talk biz, hair care products, pros & cons of marrying models.
Nov. 10 Schwab Cup Champs. Need some good sleep. Move bus from Hooters to Cracker Barrel.
Dec. 9 Father-Son, Orlando. Tee up w/Little John!
Dec. 30 Gas up/wash/wax RV. Text Tiger HBD. “Just nine more years and you’re mine, T-Dub.”
Dec. 31 So long, ’16. Party hard. Chocolate Ensure Mudslides? Hell, why not?