Saturday, January 20, 2007

If you've ever wanted to send David Feherty a question or comment, here's your chance! David is putting down his mike to answer your E-mails in his mailbag column for GOLFONLINE.

Congratulations to the following readers, who last week won a copy of David's new book, Somewhere in Ireland, a Village is Missing an Idiot:

David T. Clark , Phoenix, MD
Gerry Golinske , Beverly Hills, MI
Skip Hartman , Houston, TX
Christopher Kenyon , Cave Creek, AZ
Patrick Lindsey , Tallahassee, FL
Pat McGuckin , Sherman IL
John Suess . Milwauke, WI
Brendan Sullivan , Shrewsbury, MA
Jim Toms , Great Falls, MT
Brent Tyvela , Bay City, MI

Click here to send him your question or comment.

In your Masters commentary, you mentioned Mike Weir being from outside Sarnia at the 49th parallel. While the 49th parallel is the main border of Canada and the U.S., Sarnia is actually some 500 kms. south at the 43rd parallel. Thought you might like to know. Keep up the witty commentary.
-- James Statham, Brantford, Ontario

All right James, you clever Canuck, so not all of Canada is above the 49th. I left school at 17, walking straight out of a geography class. Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

David, isn't it refreshing to see a good guy finish first? Mike Weir is proof positive that you don't need to be a pampered, whiny suck with a few roman numerals after your name to win golf tournaments. Hell, he doesn't even live in a warm climate. Who ever heard of a golf pro living in Salt Lake City? Aren't you fed up with these guys missing shots and acting like their Mercedes blew a gasket, or their butler didn't take out the trash? See, Canada does produce something more than hockey players and politicians who talk out of the side of their mouths.
-- Ian Warner, Ontario

Hmm...A pampered, whiny suck with roman numerals after his name? Sounds like a thinly veiled shot at Charles Howell, or David Morland to me. I tend to think that there isn't enough petulance out there. Watching pampered athletes toss all their toys out of the crib is great television. Still, that's why we have basketball, baseball, and football I suppose.

Regarding your comments on McCord's sexuality, have you or anyone you know approached him with the idea of having a reverse-operation? I think he/she would be great on the LPGA, and if it didn't happen to work out, I have a couple of buddies who adore hairy women.
-- Russ Carefoot, Snohomish, WA

McCord would shriek like Jim Nantz in the middle of a WWF Smackdown dream if anyone suggested using anything sharper than an eyebrow pencil on him. Send me your buddies' names and addresses. Having seen Martha's protest group, I think I can send them in the right direction, which would be toward the 25 most terrifying women in America. Imagine that lot on a road trip from Washington to Augusta, crushing empty Old Milwaukee cans on their foreheads and peeing out the windows. Dear God, what a nightmare. They should have done it properly, and arrived on a 25-seat broomstick.

With Annika Sorenstam playing in the Colonial, wouldn't she qualify for the Masters if she won? Your thoughts please.
-- Terry Jaremko, Charlotte, NC

Dear God, how shall I put it? While you were visiting Uranus, back here on Earth, the main qualification criterion for the Masters was changed from tournament winners to the top fifty in the world rankings. Also, we have the Internet now, hot and cold running water, blah, blah, blah, etc. So unless Annika won enough money on the PGA Tour to get into the top fifty, it would seem unlikely that she would ever play in the Masters. Unless of course she were invited, which at the present time would seems less than likely.

Being inside the ropes, you probably hear the phrase "You da man!" so much that you wake up from nightmares with that phrase echoing in your head. (Although hearing that phrase in bed on other occasions may make your year, decade, and maybe even your life). Anyway, back to my question. If something had to be yelled after a golfer swings, what phrase would you like to take its place?
-- Brian Sumner, Raleigh, NC

Thankfully, since the appearance of Tiger Woods, the phrase "You're the man!" has died a short and painless death. I mean, it's now clearly a statement of what is stunningly obvious. If you're yelling it at him, you're an idiot, and if you're yelling it at anyone else, you're an idiot, too. However, if Brian Kontak does play in the U.S. Women's Open, some idiot needs to shout it at least once, for old time's sake. There is nothing I can think of (thankfully) that should take its place. Let it go Brian, let it go.

Just wondering why the guys and gals who keep these golf courses in such great shape week in and week out never get more than a mere word or two during a telecast. Why not interview the superintendent and the assistant for five minutes? They could explain what they do in the weeks leading up to the tournament and how they get the golf course to "peak" for the event. I`m sure it would help educate everyone, including people like "grain on the brain" Johnny Miller. Maybe even include an online question and answer session with that week's Superintendent. Remember, this game is played on living plants and the playing fields are scrutinized more than any other sport. -- Dean Tomaselli, McHenry, IL

Cough it up pal, you're either a sod father, or the son of one, or nephew, or something. You're quite right though, the superintendents do deserve more credit than they get. I always try to get their name in somewhere, but the whole golf thing tends to get in the way. As for an online Q&A session with the super on a weekly basis, I'm all for it if it takes the place of this one, which is a royal pain in the arse to me. Any total loser who wishes to apply for the job can have it.

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