John Daly: The Incredible Shrinking Ferret
By eating nothing but Marlboro Lights, and wearing pants that scared the crap out of his cellulite to the extent that it ran down his legs and formed insoles in his Foot-Joys, Lil' John lost 600 pounds in the last calendar year. Yes, Johnny be gellin'. (During the commercial break, J.D. also bagged The Why the Hubble Telescope Points Away From Earth Ferret.)