This week's heroes? Horschel, Park and the Pressels. Zeros? Quail Hollow, Bureaucrats
1. Billy Horschel. He's merely the hottest player on the planet, having gone T2-T3-T9 before his victory in New Orleans. And here's how funny a game this is: the tournament before this hot streak began was Bay Hill, where in the final round Horschel shot -- wait for it -- 85.
2. Inbee Park. Actually, she is the hottest player on the planet, with five wins in her last 18 starts, including another one yesterday at the North Texas LPGA Shootout. If this keeps up Park might actually start looking excited!
3. C'mon Aussies. In the wake of his mate Adam Scott's Masters triumph, Brett Rumford eagled the first playoff hole at the Ballantine's Championship to become the first Australian winner on the Euro Tour in two years. "Scotty's win was a huge inspiration to all of us," Rumford said.
4. The AJGA. The blue coats of the junior set have declared that every tournament round needs to be played in 4:19 or under. If teens under tournament conditions can do it, so can the rest of us, aided by gimmes, mulligans and the occasional foot-wedge.
5. The Pressel girls. Sure, they both missed the cut, but how cool is it for sisters to play in the same LPGA event? And this definitely won't be a mere cameo for Morgan's kid sister Madison, a senior at Texas and the 2011 Big 12 player of the year.
1. The Johnson boys. Drawing on their vast foreign policy expertise, Dustin and Zach boycotted the Ballantine's, citing unrest on the Korean peninsula. One more zero on the appearance fee would surely have turned them into logo-wearing diplomats.
2. Quail Hollow. The fifth major has taken a big hit this year with Tiger Woods taking a pass and two nearly-dead greens hijacking the pre-tournament headlines. But at least the caddies still get valet parking.
3. Golf bureaucrats. The stench of Tiger's non-DQ at the Masters still lingers, Vijay plays on, long putters have been given a scarlet letter but are still rampant, Muirfield needed seven new tees to accommodate the Open, Greg Norman rightfully calls B.S. on the Tour's toothless PED testing .. who's running this sport, anyway?
4. Sanity. With his win at the Legends, Jeff Sluman surpassed $25 million in career earnings.
5. The Donald. First he gets Gil Hanse to sell his soul to work on Doral, now Trump has forced Coore & Crenshaw into a deal with the devil for a course in Virginia. If you're ever at the Crossroads and see an absurd comb-over coming your way, run!