Initially I thought this was Bubba Watson when he said, "Anyone can win a tournament, but not everyone can hit it long." But after spending a while thinking about it, I thought, actually, wait a minute, he might be right. I'm still not sure whether it's brilliant or ridiculous, but I like it.
BEST CADDIE FERRET
Bones. His relationship
with Phil is simple — they're
best friends, but to the
average observer at any
given moment, he could
be a caddie, parole officer,
psychiatrist, fellow mental
patient, dream-catcher,
bodyguard, brain masseur,
and finally just like the
rest of us, a bewildered
spectator. If you can caddie
for Phil, you are probably
overqualified to be President
of the United States. Now,
wouldn't it be nice to finally
have one like that?
GOLDEN SKUNK FERRET (Unluckiest player)
Sergio Garcia. I don't
care what anyone thinks,
I'm a believer. He may
not be tactful, but he's
honest about how he feels
and says very little that
isn't actually true. Like
Ballesteros and Olazabal
before him, he has the fire
in his heart. He will
win more than one
big one. I like him
as a person, and
I love to watch
him play.
So there.
PLAYER MOST LIKELY TO MARRY A PORN STAR FERRET
I think a few wives ago John
Daly already did. Or maybe
not. I don't remember — I was drinking at the time, too.
PLAYER WHO SHOULD SERIOUSLY CONSIDER BECOMING A RODEO CLOWN FERRET
He shouldn't quit
because he can really
play, but Tim
Herron would
make a great
rodeo clown,
with a barrel around him and all that.
And come to think of it, Rory
Sabbattini would be a terrific
Mexican fighting bull.
PLAYER/BUREAUCRAT WHO MAKES ME WISH ONE OF THOSE VEHICLES HAD KILLED ME FERRET
Carolyn Bivens, the
LPGA czar who demanded
that her players bone up
on their English. Trust
me, I'd like some of the
Americans on both Tours
to take a shot at learning
English, too, but unless I
missed the CBS Evening
News last night, and we
were overrun by Red China,
this is still America.
LE FERRET D'OR (THE GOLDEN FERRET)
Camilo Villegas takes home this most coveted of Ferrets, which goes to the player
whom I have most enjoyed watching, and
whose success or failure has given me the
most pleasure.
First off, I like him, and more to the point, I like the crowd that watches him. In all my years in golf, I have never witnessed anyone who attracts more women in heat than this young Colombian.
Villegas and Anthony Kim are the two most exciting young players I've seen for many years. Tiger has been out for a while now, and while the game is certainly better with him around, if nothing else, these last few months have shown us how good the rest of these guys are. I'm going to keep watching.
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