The gents who run the USGA aren't noted for their humor, unless you think foot-high hay three steps off the fairway is a hoot. But once a year, when they meet in secret to make up the groups for the first two rounds of the U.S. Open, they sneak in some sly wit as they perform their matchmaker services. The funny one this year was the Thursday 7:11 a.m. 10th tee group: country boys Bubba Watson and Boo Weekley, accompanied by Nobuhiro Masuda of Japan, who was on his first trip to the U.S. After two rounds and nearly 12 hours together, Masuda concluded that Japan did not produce men like Bubba and Boo. His interpreter stood beside him, nodding sympathetically.
There were times when a translator was also needed for Bubba and Boo, who grew up in little towns on the outskirts of Pensacola on the Florida Panhandle. When Boo said he was "renting in a motel" for his week at Oakmont, that meant he was staying in a convention-center Westin, with the plush beds, in downtown Pittsburgh. When he noted that he saw "all kinds of different people" on the streets of Pittsburgh, that meant he saw a gay couple arm in arm. Weekley couldn't be nicer — but he makes Scott Hoch look worldly. Then there was this Yogi-like gem from Bubba, talking about playing with Boo: "Me and him, we're having the same pressures. He's thinking the same thing I'm thinking."
A reporter asked, "Which is what?"
"I don't know," Bubba said. "That's what we're trying to figure out."
Actually, though, as a cultural and regional stereotype, Bubba's a failure. He'd rather play video games than hunt or fish, and he doesn't chew. He has the Oliver North buzz cut but also a pink-shafted driver with a pink, knitted head cover. Cute.
Meantime, Boo and his caddie, Joe Pyland — from "back the house," Weekley said, meaning they grew up together — dipped all the way through the interminable opening rounds. Whether that nicotine drip makes the round go faster or slower is hard to know, but young Masuda, 34 and impressionable, found it interesting. On every tee and fairway, a little stream of brownish spittle would shoot out of the mouths of Boo and his bagman and settle on Oakmont's lush green grass.
"I had never seen anybody chew tobacco before," Masuda said. "It didn't bother me, but I heard spectators say, 'That's disgusting.' "
