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4. GET A YARDAGE BOOK. And ask a Tour caddie how to use it. This will make the pro very happy. Contribute to your pro's mental well-being by being the first "ammy" in the history of his pro-am career not to ask the question: "How far have I got from here?"
There are only a certain number of times in your career you can be asked this question before your spleen bursts. Mine burst six years ago.
5. OUT OF THE HOLE? Pick it up. And, be sure to tell your pro when you have done so. Not only will you contribute to the pace of play, but you will avoid the awkward situation of having the pro wait, expecting you to hit, while you are rummaging around in your bag looking for that three-year-old stick of gum that's making everything sticky.
In this category, there is only one thing worse than waiting around for no apparent reason, and that is waiting around for a very bad apparent reason; i.e., holing out for a 9, net 8.
6. FORGET ABOUT SCORE. And, don't be upset if your pro doesn't know how your team stands. Remember, it's a Wednesday. He probably doesn't even know his own score.
7. WATCH YOUR FEET. Be very, very mindful of the line of your pro's putt. Look at television coverage of a golf tournament and watch how respectful the pros are of each others' lines. Quite often a player walks 60 or 70 feet around another player's marker just to avoid stepping over it.
There's no need to take it to these extremes, but ask your pro where his line is and he or she will show you where to step over. Remember, this is our office. How would you feel if you were in the process of finishing a very carefully written letter to your boss and I came in wearing a pair of golf shoes and did a Highland fling all over it? I thought so.
Finally, if any of you are still interested in playing this game with anybody ever again, try not to give the pro any advice on how to play the course, even if it is your home course and you've been a member for 75 years. Trust me, he knows more about it than you do just by looking at the yardage book.
It's a question of knowing what to look for. Even giving the occasional line off the tee can be dangerous because you don't normally play two club-lengths from the back edge of the back tee. I don't know how many times I've heard, "Oops, I could have sworn you could have carried that bunker!"
If you follow those rules, you should have a great day. Remember, there is no other sport where you can play alongside the pros in such close proximity without being injured.
Despite what you've read, we can have fun on a Wednesday, too. And, as I said, thanks for the prize money!
